Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.   If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.   If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.   If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, 6 & 7.   If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.   Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.   If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell  you which number to press.   If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.