AND WHY DID THAT CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?


KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:
To get to the other side.

PLATO:
For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

JACK NICHOLSON:
'cause it f.....g wanted to.  That's the f.....g reason.

RONALD REAGAN:
I forget.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

CAESAR:
It came, it saw, it crossed.

DARWIN:
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

SIR ISAAC NEWTON:
Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

SHERLOCK HOLMES:
It crossed the road because it was going to catch a train at Victoria Station at 3:15, to Edinburgh. And how did I know that? Observe, Watson, the patina of dust on the chicken's feathers, which indicates that it had been spending time in a library, reading about Scotland. And observe also that it was humming "Bonnie Lassie" as it waited to cross. Finally, and most important, observe the train ticket  marked Edinburgh, stuffed under one wing, and the fact that Victoria station was where the chicken crossed the street, and finally that the only train to Edinburgh this afternoon is the 3:15....

NEIL ARMSTRONG:
One small step for chickenkind, one giant leap for poultry.

TIGGER:
Because that's what chickens do best! That's the wonderful thing about Chickens, Chasing Chickens is FUN FUN FUN, And the Wonderful thing about Chickens Is that when crossing streets they RUN!

THE CHICKEN:
"I am crossing the road to block traffic as a protest against ..." (thump).

CALCULUS LECTURER:
The road, if expressed in the form (y2-y1)/(x2-x1) is approximate for cases where lim(y2-y1)/(x2-x1) as (x2-x1) -> 0, is represented by the derivative, or rate of change, of the road with respect to the chicken, such that the value of the chicken may be assumed equal to the value of (y2-y1)/(x2-x1), for small values of roads.

ENGINEER:
The chicken crossed the road as part of an experiment to find the Chicken Modulus of various road surfaces. The Chicken Modulus is defined as s/a, the ratio of chicken-vehicle collisions (s) to road surface grit size (a). The chicken used was the standard european chicken as specified in the Engineering Publication "Standard Animals for Fauna Testing (1998)".